Hogwarts School of Doom and More Doom
by bbarracuda
Summary: Ever wonder why Zim is so, Zim? He's a Wizard of course! Join our favorite green alian, and his sidkick Gir, as they join Harry and his pals! Rated T cause I'm paranoid.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi! I just want to say, that the genre might change, and that, this has probably been done before, but mine is different, hopefully... And yes, I coppied the letter from the book, LOOK IT UP! ITS EXACLY LIKE THE ONE IN THE BOOK! So, without further ado, I give you Hogwarts School of Doom and More Doom.**

**Chapter 1-**

Zim woke up that morning, with an owl pecking at his window, he thought that was normal human bird behavior, so he ignored it. It did not stop, Zim reluctantly got out of bed, and opened the window, he was going to hit the bird, bit, instead it stuck out its leg, it held a letter. He tore it off, and the owl flew off. Zim looked at the letter, it had a wax seal on it, bearing an H. After studying it a bit more, he opened it, and read-

_Hogwarts School_

_of Witchcraft and Wizardry_

_Headmaster:Albus Dumbledore_

_(Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorc., Chf. Warlock,_

_Supreme Mugwump, International Confed. Of Wizards)_

_ Dear Mr. Zim_

_ We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment. _

_ Term Begins on September 1. We await your owl by no later then July 31._

_Yours sincerely,_

_Minerva McGonnagalle,_

_Deputy Headmistress_

"Hmm, GIR!"

Gir than ran into the room, his eyes changing to red.

"Yes my lord!"

"Gir, we are going, to this, Hog-warts, pack your things. Its in a place called, Europe."

"YAY!"

Gir than ran out of the room, and than ran back in, bringing a suitcase that looked like it was filled with nothing but rubber pigs.

Zim pressed some buttons, and that disguise thing came through a hole in the floor,

"Now, were going to need new disguises, I'll be going as a human, but you, can go as a cat, owl, or toad... Lets do cat, its pretty close to dog."

He shoved Gir into it, pushed some more buttons, and out came, a green cat, it looked just like his old doggy suit, but it was, well, a cat.

Zim felt like his was fine, he just needed to get wizard robes. They had about a month until they had to get to platform 9 ¾.

"Common Gir, we need to get in the voot cruiser and go to a place called, Diagon Alley."

"Can we make biscuits?"

"No Gir, never again shall we make biscuits!"

And thus Zim got his things packed, and he, along with Gir, went off, to Europe, soon, they would be their, and there adventure would begin!"

**Dib-**

"Hey Gaz, I don't think were gonna be mentioned in this, do you."

"Be quite."

**And no, Dibs giant head shall not be in this Fanfic, I'm Sorry for the inconvenience.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Contest! If you can draw, send me a pic of Invader Zim! Any seen from my story shall do, the more creative, the better! Ends when the Fanfic dose.**

**Zim is going to act, normal, at least, more than he usually would.**

**It took me forever to write the list of items, please read it.**

**This is really hard to write, Harry is, just, not compatible with Zim! They just cant be the two main characters! Its impossible to write this story!**

**Thank you Invader Elze, Hiutt1989, Fanbasher865, and Rachpop15.**

**Sorry, not much happened in the last chapter...**

**Chapter 2-**

Zim, had crashed the voot cruiser, sere they made it to Britten and all, but they hit a bee, and we all know what happens when Zim hits a bee... So, they were in London, probably for good. And thus, they searched for a place called the leaky caldron, it was just a little bar-like place, nothing fancy, but to a boy with messy black hair walking next to a, well, vary TALL person, it was magical. Zim noticed this, and asked the boy-

"So, I got a letter, any idea on how we get o this, Diagon Alley?"

"Nope, I'm just following Hagrid, he's the groundskeeper at Hogwarts."

"Can, well, I follow you guys?"

"I don't see why not."

It was humiliating that Zim had to ask a human for help, but he seemed smarter than the rest of the earth-monkeys, in fact, all the witches and wizards did. He thought that perhaps, the magical population was just, smarter, after all, the Muggles, as they were called, didn't even notice the Leaky Caldron, maybe he could find humans to make "friends" with, he thought of Keef, shuddered, and pushed the thought to the back of his mind. All these thoughts and more rushed through Zim's mind, until Harry thought to make conversation.

"So, why are you, well, green?"

"Its a, skin condition."

"That's cool, I guess, whats your name, and why is your cat eating a waffle?"

"My name is Zim, my cat's name is Gir, and, he just likes waffles, whats your name?"

"Harry, Harry Potter."

Then, Hagrid said-

"Common Harry, were almost ter the Leaky Cauldron!"

"Aren't you coming Zim?"

"Well, okay..."

Then, Zim, thinking that he could look, well, more normal, near this boy, followed suit. He almost immediately thought he made a mistake, as soon as Hagrid said ,"Harry", everyone got quite, and started to swarm Harry, they each shook his hand, some coming back for another hand-shake, this puzzled Zim, why would everyone want to shake Harry's hand, he knew enough about humans, to tell people only did this, when someone famous was close by. When the crowd moved away, Zim asked-

"Why did all those people want to shake your hand? Why did they call you the boy that lived?"

"Well, Lord Voldemort-"

"I told you not ter say the name Harry!"

"Sorry Hagrid, anyway, he killed my parent, but when he tried to kill me, I lived. Apparently, he also lost most of his power that day, so he went into hiding."

"Oh..."

"Are you muggle born? Your parents arent anyware near here are they?"

"Oh well, the thing is-"

When he was int interrupted, Hagrid had finished tapping bricks, and both boys looked in wonder, never before had either of them seen so many shops, each one more spactacular then the last.

"This here, is Diagon Ally. Wait are ya waiten' fer, we need ter get yer Hogwarts stuff.

Zim checked his list again-

_Hogwarts School _

_of Witchcraft and Wizardry_

_Uniform_

_First-year students students will require:_

_ sets of plain work robes (black)_

_ plain pointed hat (black) for day wear_

_ pair of protective gloves (dragon hide or similar)_

_ winter cloak (black, silver fastenings)_

_Please note that all pupils' clothes should carryname tags_

_COURSE BOOKS_

_All students should ave a copy of the following_

_The Standard Book of Spells (Grade 1)_

_By Miranda Goshawk_

_A History of Magic By Bathilda Bagshot_

_Magical Theory By Adalbert Waffling_

_A Beginners' Guide to Transfiguration by Emeric Switch_

_One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi_

_By Phyllida Spore_

_Magical Draftes and Potions by Arsenius Jigger _

_Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them_

_By Newt Scamander_

_The Dark Forces: A Guide to Self-Protection_

_By Quentian Trimble_

_OTHER EQUIPMENT_

_1 wand_

_1 cauldron (pewter, standard size 2)_

_1 set glass or crystal phials_

_1 telescope_

_1 set brass scales_

_Students may also bring an owl OR a cat OR a toad_

_PARENTS ARE REMINDED THAT FIRST YEARS ARE NOT ALLOWED THEIR OWN BROOMSTICKS_

"Um, Harry, have you ever been here before?"

"No, I was raised by muggles, you?"

"No, this is my first time also."

They stopped talking, Harry and Hagrid walked into Gringots Bank, since Zim didnt have a vault, he stayed outside.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey! Hope you like my story so far! I'm open for ideas!**

**Oh, and Zim left all the stuff in his PAK, except his spider legs, at his base, which he is now unable to return to, because he crashed and the voot cruiser is not able to be fixed, but don't worry! He has a portable computer, sort of like a laptop, in his PAK.**

**I skip a lot at Ollivanders, sorry, but I'm pretty sere people will know what they talk about.**

**Its hard to write for Hagrid, sorry for any mistakes with his accent.**

**Now, I know what some of you are going to say, that didn't happen in Harry Potter, well, I have Zim in this story, so it cant be exactly like Harry Potter.**

**Chapter 3-**

While Harry and Hagrid were inside the bank, Gir managed to eat the sign in the front of the building, but, oddly enough, they just made a new one pop right out of thin air! This surprised Zim he didn't know Humans could do that,

'I guess only witches and wizards can do that.'

But once Harry and Hagrid returned, he, once again, pushed the thought to the back of his mind. Hagrid said he had to go and, well, vomit, in the Leaky Cauldron, so the two boys walked into Madam Malkin's Robes for All Occasions. They saw a witch, Madam Malkin to be exact, she asked if they were here for Hogwarts, they said yes, and she pointed to ware they should stand, they were right next to a boy with pale, pointed face.

"Hogwarts too?"

"Yes", said Harry.

"My father's next door buying my books, and mother's up the street looking at wands. Father says its a crime if I'm not picked for my Quidditch team, I'm rather good if I do say so myself."

"Th-"

"Be quite green boy!"

Zim took a step back, startled.

"Hey, don't talk to my friend that way!" Harry Yelled.

"Hey, its true isn't it? After all, someone like him is going to be in Hufflepuff."

"I'll just wait outside, its fine."

And he walked back outside, looking somewhat sad.

"Like I said, Hufflepuff."

The boy got his robes, and walked outside, Harry saw the boy push Zim to the ground, and then walk away laughing. Zim got up, and walked back inside, rubbing his left eye.

"Are you okay Zim?"

"I'm fine Harry."

Harry felt pity for Zim, he thought that

'Zim has probably gone as much (if not more) bad times as I have. After all, no matter ware Zim goes, people will make fun of his skin, but, I'm famous here, its not like back on Privit Drive.'

As soon as Zim and Harry got there school robes, they met back up with Hagrid, an got the rest of there school things, all that was left, was wands.

"Hold on thar Harry, I still haven't got yer birthday present yet."

"Hagrid you don't need-"

"I know I know, but ill get yer animal. Not a toad, they went outta fashion years ago, and I don' like cats, they make me sneeze, speakin' o which, why haven't I been sneezin, you got a cat thar don' yah Zim?"

"Yes, but he's an allergenic breed, that's why he's green."

"Tha' makes since, see o lotto' funny critters when yer a wizard, me, I like em, specially the ones with fangs. So, I'll get yer an owl Harry, everyone wants a owl, thar' real useful, carry your mail."

Soon, they walked out of Eeylops Owl Emporium, with Harry carrying a snowy white owl.(unfortunately, they didn't stay long, Gir was bothering the owls) Now, they went to get their wands.

Harry couldn't stop stammering his thank.

"Don mention it,i don expect you've had a lotto presents from the Dursleys.

Harry explained who the Dursleys were and such, he was just finishing when the saw a sign that read-

_Ollivanders:_

_Makers of Fine Wands since 382 B.C._

They into Ollivanders, it was a tiny place, empty except for a single spindly chair that Hagrid sat on to wait. The two boys felt as though they had entered a vary strict library; they swallowed a lot of questions, and instead looked at all the boxes stacked one on top the other.

"Good afternoon," said a soft voice causing Harry and Zim to jump, apparently Hagrid jumped also, for a crunching noise was heard. The man from which the noise originated, had wide pale eyes shinning like moons through the gloom of the shop. The silvery eyes soon started to creep Zim out, as Mr. Ollivander talked about wands and Harry's parents and such. Soon Harry tried wand after wand after wand, Ollivander just told him to swish it, after what seemed like hours, Harry got a wand, it was 11 inches, holy and phoenix feather. Ollivander gave the wands story, and soon, Zim got a wand, 10 ½ inches, Maple and dragon heartstring, it was vary springy. After Harry and Hagrid left, Zim booked himself a room in the Leaky Cauldron, he would stay there until September the first, to board the Hogwarts Express, which was at the King's Cross Station, platform 9 ¾.


	4. Chapter 4

**Wow, I skipped a lot of important stuff in the last chapter, but as all Harry Potter fan-girls know, Harry and You-know-who's wand, have feathers from the same bird. But if you didn't, know you do.**

**We are all fan-girls deep down in our hearts. Sort of like Dib and baloney...**

**Chapter 4**

Zim awoke on September 1st, and got dressed in his usual invader uniform, (he had noticed that the muggles looked weirdly at you if you were in wizard robes) he and Gir boarded the Knight Bus (He immediately regretted this decision, though Gir enjoyed it.) He got out, at the Kings Cross, and checked his ticket.

"Platform 9 ¾... Common Gir..."

Zim got a trolly, and put his large trunk on it. He walked towards platforms 9 and 10, and looked around. There wasn't anything to tell him ware to go, he felt he didn't have a choice, but to look around and ask, he soon found a guard, but didn't think that he would know what Hogwarts was, so he asked for the train that ran at 11 o' clock, the guard said their wasn't one and walked away muttering about time wasters. Now Zim was worried, he dragged Gir away from the toad he was following, and was about to start panicking when he saw a woman and five children with flaming red hair.

"...Packed with Muggles of course..."

He ran up to catch her, when a large group of tourists walked in front of him, when they passed, he noticed one of the children had vanished, another one was speeding towards the wall in-between the 9th and 10th Platform, before Zim could register what was happening, he disappeared too.

Zim was left with no choice, he ran up to the Lady.

"Um, excuse me, but I don't know how-"

"To get onto the platform?" She said kindly

Zim nodded."

"Its no problem dear, Ron's a first-year also."

And she pointed to the shortest boy, who weakly smiled.

"Just walk right up to the barrier between platforms 9 and 10, now, don't stop and don't be afraid or you'll crash, understand?"

"Er, yes."

"Best go at a bit of a run if your nervous."

So, feeling foolish, Zim grabbed Gir, who was now holding the toad (how he got it is beyond me), and the trolly, put Gir on it, and, ran towards the vary solid looking wall, soon he couldn't stop the trolly,an he braced for the impact, but it didn't come, he looked around, and saw a sign that had a big 9 ¾ on it, he had done it!

He walked up to the scarlet steam engine, and was about to attempt to place the trunk in it, when two of the Red headed boys came up, and said in unison

"Need a lift?"

Zim said yes, and thanked the boys, who were now walking towards a vary familiar looking boy with glasses...

"Hey! Harry!"

"Oh, Hey Zim!"

They walked over to each other, and the red headed twins helped get Harry's trunk into the Train, (they hadn't heard Zim yell for Harry) but when Harry's bangs moved out of place,

"Hey."

"Aren't you."

"Aren't I what?"

Harry said with confusion.

"Harry Potter!" They said in unison.

"Er, well, yes, I am actually."

"Blimey, well, I'm Fred, and hes George, were Weaslys, and you are?"

He said pointing to Zim.

"Er, I'm Zim."

"Well, it was nice meeting you two."

And the twins walked off.

"Guess we should find seats."

"Ya, lets go and do that Harry... what did you name your owl?"

"Hedwig."

So, they found seats at the vary end of the bus, it wasn't long before the redheaded woman's son, Ron, came back to.

"My brothers said that you were, well, you know."

"Harry Potter?"

"Ya, so, is it true?"

Harry moved his bangs reviling a scar in the shape of a lightning bolt."

"Wow, sorry, but my brothers joke around a lot, so I didn't know if it was true or not."

"Its fine."

"I'm Ron Weasly."

Harry and Ron shook hands.

"Zim."

Ron and Zim shook hands.

"So, why are you green."

"Skin condition."

"Are you Muggle-born, or do you have wizarding relatives."

"Muggle."

"Why is you cat green, and why dose it have a toad?"

"Its allergenic and he found the toad in the train station."

They then talked all about their lives and such, bought lots of sweets from the cart, they were just about to discuss Zim's life, when a girl with bushy brown hair walked in.

"Has any one seen a toad? Neville's lost his."

"Er ya, I have."

Zim hen, took the toad from Gir, and replaced it with a chocolate frog.

"Here, I hope Gir didn't hurt it."

"Well, he looks fine to me, thanks! You should all change into your Hogwarts robes, I asked the conductor, and he said we should be there soon."

And with that, she left.

Gir, after eating the chocolate frog, (card and all) noticed Scabbers, for the first time, without the toad to occupy him, he got up, Screamed, "I LIKE WAFFLES! And chases the rat, who hadn't moved the hole train ride.

"Gir! GIR STOP IT! Stop chasing that rat!"

Gir, who actually stopped, said-

"I'm Sorry Mastah."

And made puppy dog eyes, even though he was in a cat suit now, it was still vary cute.

"Its O.K. Gir, just don't chase the rat anymore."

Scabbers however, had already fallen back asleep.

It wasn't long, before someone else, entered their compartment. Or, 3 others, to be exact. Harry and Zim recognized the middle one, with blond hair and pale skin. Zim looked out the window, pretending not to notice.

"well, so the rumors are true, the famous Harry Potter is on the train,theirs no need to ask who you are, my father told me all the Weasleys have red hair, freckles, and more children they can afford, and you, no one needs to know who you are, weird green kid. Harry, you'll soon find that some wizarding families are better than others,you don't want to go making friends with the wrong sort, I can help you there, by the way, that's Crabbe, and that's Goyle, I'm Malfoy, Draco Malfoy."

Zim snickered at the names.

"You think my name is funny do you? Whatever, your just some green kid with a green cat-"

Malfoy probably would've continued, but Gir jumped on him, and using his new claws (Thinking back, Zim probably shoul've made Gir a de-clawed cat) scratched his face, then, before Gir could do anything else, Crabbe pulled him off, and through him back at Zim and Zim caught him.

"Watch it Potter, if your not careful, you'll go the same way your parents did."

Then,Goyale let out a horrible scream, Scabbers had bitten Goyle's finger, he through his hand back and forth, until the rat let go, and hit Hedwig's cage..

Thus, before anything else happened, the trio departed.

"Hey Harry, Ron, maybe we should change now."

"Yea, good idea."

Zim's robes, hid his PAK, but since the two other boys were also changing, they didn't notice his PAK at all.

They soon, felt the train stop, a voice said not to bring anything off the train, and that there belongings were to be taken to the school separately. So the boys filled there pockets with the last of the sweets, and headed off the train.


	5. Chapter 5

**So, I'm not dead! Rejoice! **

**Anyway... I haven't been updating, cause I feel like all I'm doing, is just sticking a character in Harry Potter, and then having the exact same thing happen. That, and I'm also having massive writers block. Sorry...**

**Thank you Geno the Star Fisher! Nice to know you like it!**

**I'm also sorry that Dib isn't here, I jut feel like if I put him in, all that's gonna happen, is them fighting, and I want to keep the Harry Potterness of this fic, I'm also sorry that this is so short! Why aren't my chapters vary long? WHY?**

**Chapter 5-**

The boys were sucked into the crowd of young witches and wizards. The three didn't know what to do or ware to go. Until two of them, heard a familiar voice.

"Firs' years! Firs' years over here! All right there Harry, Zim?

Hagrid's big face beamed over the sea of heads.

"Common, follow me- any more firs' years? Mind yer step, now! Firs' years follow me!"

Slipping and stumbling they followed Hagrid down what seemed to be a steep, narrow path. It was so dark, Zim thought they must be near some sort of forest...

They all got into a boat, Zim, Harry, and Ron got into a boat, followed by the girl with bushy hair, she seemed that she needed to know EVERYTHING, which Zim thought, wasn't necessary a bad thing. And, for the 3rd time that day-

"Hey, I know who you are! Your Harry Potter!"

"Er, ya, I am actually."

And he moved his hair from in front of his scar.

They, surprisingly, stayed almost silent. And, no one brought Zim up for half the ride.

"Um, Harry, shouldnt we intraduce Zim?"

"Oh, sorry Zim, this is..."

"Hermionie Granger."

"Okay, Hermione, this is Zim."

Then, knowing she would ask-

"Its a skin condition."

"Oh..."

Zim just sighed, and stared over the edge of the boat, but he was still careful of the lake, so when something in it moved, he backed away from the side of the boat.

Hermione continued talking about charms and spells, to such a degree, the other passengers almost jumped out of the boat. Yes, even Zim, the pain would be worth getting away from, this, human!

Before Zim took that nearly lethal jump, the bots stopped, and they walked towards the large castle, known as Hogwarts...


	6. Chapter 6

**Me-This is the 6th chapter of-**

**Zim-Just get on with it!**

**Me-Fine, be that way Zim.**

**Dib-(reads chapter) Hey, I thought I wasn't in this fanfic!**

**Me-Well, my good pal Reenie Bleenie wanted me to add you, but I'm not telling my readers ware you'll be mentioned.**

**Dib-Why? This has nothing but Zim! That's not fair!**

**Gaz-Life's not fair.**

**Me-Thank you Gaz. You don't mind not being in this do you?**

**Gaz-I guess not.**

**Zim-Just start the fanfic filthy-human! (Pulls out a laser from PAK) You already made me get beat up by the Malfoy, Zim refuses to be humiliated!**

**Me-O.K. Sorry loyal fans, Zim's getting a laser and I value my life, no names will be mentioned! Don't worry Zim! You'll get revenge!**

**Chapter 6-**

Hagrid knocked on the castle door three times with his gigantic fist. The door swung open at once, a tall black haired witch in emerald green robes stood there, she had a vary stern face and Zim didn't think it would be a good idea to get on her bad side.

"The firs' years, Professor McGonnagall."

"Thank you Hagrid, I'll take them from them from here."

She pulled the door wide open, the entrance hall was so big, Zim couldv'e put his base in there. The stone walls were lit with flaming torches like the ones from that medieval movie Gir made him watch. The ceiling was too high to make out, and a magnificent marble staircase facing them led to then upper floors.

They followed Professor McGonnagle across the flagged stone floor. Zim could hear the drone of hundreds of voices from a doorway to the right, Professor McGonnagle showed them to small, empty chamber off the hall. They crowded in, standing rather closer together then they would have normally. Before Zim could ask there Professor anything, she spoke.

"Welcome to Hogwarts, The start-of-term banquet will begin shortly, but before you take your seats in the Great Hall, you must be sorted into your houses. The Sorting is vary important, because while you are here your house will be something like your family, You will have classes with the rest of your house, sleep in your house dormitory, spend free time in your house common room. The four houses, are Griffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin. Each house has its own noble history,and has produced outstanding witches an wizards,While your triumphs will earn you points, rule breaking will lose them. At the end of the year the house with the most points will win the house cup. The ceremony will take place in few minutes in front of the rest of the school, I suggest you smarten yourselves up while you wait here."

She looked at all the first years, her eyes seemed to stop on Harry, and Zim a little longer than others. She was about to leave and close the door, when she said she would return when they were ready for them.

Zim looked around, everyone was worried.

"Ron, your from a wizard family, what are the different houses like?"

"Well, my hole family has been in Griffindor, and people in Ravenclaw are supposed to be really smart. Hufflepuff is supposed to be full of wimps, but its better than Slytherin, there hasn't been one dark wizard, that wasn't in Slytherin."

"Thanks."

"No problem."

Zim, walked around, Ron and Harry were to scarred to do anything, and it got kind a creepy. He soon bumped into a round faced boy.

"Er, your the green kid, the one with the cat that found my toad?"

"well, I don't think there are any other green kids."

"Right...Well, thanks for helping me get Trevor back!"

With that, the boy walked away, and he saw someone all too familiar.

"Molfoy."

"Hey, Crabbe, Goyal, its the weird green kid, the one with the cat that tried to kill me."

"Gir wouldn't hurt anyone unless I told him to, but even then he might not..."

"So you and your cat are both wimps? You'll end up in Hufflepuff, while I go to Slytherin with the other Pure-Bloods, you and your Mud-Blood pals-

Zim punched Malfoy in the face, causing him to fall over and hit the stone floor.

"You said that as though you meant it to hurt, and I'm not green boy or whatever you said, I'm Zim, The ALMIGHTY invader Zim!"

Everyone looked at the scene, then Hermionie came over, and Zim was about to run off, for fear of one of her rants, when instead of telling him he shouldn't have done that, she walked over to Malfoy, Said something in a wispier no one else heard, making Malfoy's nose go back in its original position, and the blood disappear. He got up, glared, and looked at Crabbe and Goyle, as expecting them to do something. Before any more mayhem occurred, Professor McGonnagle showed up, and led them into the Great Hall, Malfoy was trying to tell Professor that Zim punched him, but she assumed he was making stuff up and ignored it. They were in the Great Hall.

Harry and Ron however, now tried to talk to Zim about what had happened.

"For the last time, Zim is not saying anything."

"But you called yourself an invader! What dose that even mean?"

"Er, it was, my, old nickname! Yes at my old skool every one called me that!"

Before Harry or Ron could do much else, McGonnagle put a stool in front of the first years, on top of it sat a wizards hat. The hat twitched and a rip near the brim opened like a mouth-and the hat began to sing.

Oh, you may not think I'm pretty,  
But don't judge on what you see,  
I'll eat myself if you can find  
A smarter hat than me.  
You can keep your bowlers black,  
Your top hats sleek and tall,  
For I'm the Hogwarts Sorting Hat  
And I can top them all.  
There's nothing hidden in your head  
The Sorting Hat can't see,  
So try me on and I will tell you  
Where you ought to be.  
You might belong in Gryffindor,  
Where dwell the brave at heart,  
Their daring, nerve and chivalry  
Set Gryffindors apart;  
You might belong in Hufflepuff,  
Where they are just and loyal,  
Those patient Hufflepuffs are true  
And unafraid of toil;  
Or yet in wise old Ravenclaw,  
If you've a steady mind,  
Where those of wit and learning,  
Will always find their kind;  
Or perhaps in Slytherin  
You'll make your real friends,  
Those cunning folk use any means  
To achieve their ends.  
So put me on! Don't be afraid!  
And don't get in a flap!

You're in safe hands (though I have none)  
For I'm a Thinking Cap!

The hole hall burst into applause as the hat finished the song, It bowed to each of the four tables and then became quite and still.

"So we've just got to try on the hat!" Ron whispered to Harry and Zim, "I'll kill Fred, we was going on about wrestling a troll!."

Zim saw Harry smile weakly, he was still vary nervous. Professor McGonnagall then stepped forward holding a piece of parchment.

"When I call your name, put on the hat and sit on the stool to be sorted.

Name after name was called, Malfoy got his wish and joined the Slytherins. Harry sat on longer than any one could remember before he was declared a Griffindor, while Ron barely had it on his head. Soon, Professor McGonnagall called Zim forward, there were many "Why is he green?" and others of the sort. As soon as it hit his head, Zim heard it wispier,

"Hmm"

"What do you want!"

Oh, been awhile since someone asked me that. Lets see, oh, this is interesting!"

"What it?"

"Your an alien."

"H-how do you know that?"

"Weren't you paying attention to my song? Theirs nothing hidden in your head the sorting hat cant see."

"So!"

"Your stubborn aren't you?"

"So!"

"... O.K. Then... lets see whats in your head... Lots of loyalty! Hmm, nice mind too, although slow when it comes to the obvious.. lots of bravery! No doubt about it! And, cunning, it also looks like you would sacrifice anything to get what you want... ambitious... Hard worker, and your clever when you need to be!"

"What are you even going on about?"

"All that I'm seeing in your head. Lets see what else is there... Daring, brave... Witty, been awhile since I've had so much trouble."

"Then just give me something!"

"Rude..."

"Your worse then my computer!"

"Say, this Dib guy, according to the stuff here, his head is huge!"

"It is."

What everyone else saw, was Zim fidgeting in the chair, one 7th year Hufflepuff spoke-

"Man, I cant remember anyone being on longer! Even Harry didn't take this long!"

Back to the hat-

"Well, I guess theirs only one option Zim, I just don't know- wait! I got it, you should be put in-

**Yes, cliffhanger, sorry dear readers, but my brain hurts from thinking... Oh, and vote on my profile, I want you guys to have input on Zim's house!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Me-O.K., I didn't get a vary big response, but I did get one thanks to those 8 or so people, you get THIS in a landslide vote! You decided, and thus it shall be that way! (the results are at the bottom)**

**Dib-Hey! You said I'd be in the last chapter!**

**Me-It got too long, if your lucky I might be able to squeeze you in this one, but I have a lot to put in it...**

**Dib-Like what?**

**Me-I cant just tell you! Read the chapter.**

**Dib-But-**

**Chapter 7-**

"GRIFFINDOR!"

Zim could tell the hat screamed the last word into the hall. He got off the stool, put the hat on it, and walked over to his table, on his way there, the rest of Griffindor screamed and applauded, they didn't seem to care that he was indeed green. He sat next to Ron, and Harry. Since he was the last one to get sorted, Dumbledore rose and the few whispers silenced.

"Welcome! Welcome to a new year at Hogwarts! Before we begin our banquet, I would like to say a few words. And here they are: Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak! Thank you!"

He sat back down, and Zim seeing every one else applaud, followed suit. When they did stop, the dishes pilled with food. He looked around for something that wouldn't make him explode, and saw... Tacos? He got some and stuck them in his PAK, which was somewhat difficult since it was under his wizard robes. While the other wizards and witches ate, Harry and Ron continued to pester Zim.

"You made him bleed! That wasn't an accident!"

"Look Harry, if you want I can tell you after the banquet, I just don't want others listening."

Harry and Ron were surprised by Zim's sudden change of heart, and thus stopped at once, much to Zim's relief,

'this was a bad idea, at least there was only one Dib...'

The conversations changed with time, until landing on family once more. The boy named Dean asked,

"So, whats your family like Zim? Are they also green?"

Zim glared at the boy, why did the earthlings constantly need to bother him on his skin.

"No, its just me."

"Er, sorry."

Zim stayed silent, and stared at the food. The other Gryffindors thought Dean had really hurt his feelings, but Zim didn't know what was safe or not, so he stared at it, after all, he didn't need to eat everyday.

"Er, Zim?" Harry said, "Are you O.K.?"

"Wha? Oh, I'm fine Harry. But if you really want to know, I'll tell you now, I don't know if I'm related to a witch or wizard. O.K.!"

"Zim, Ron and I don't care."

"good, neither do I."

and he continued to stare at his plate.

Soon, the food disappeared of the plates, and was filled with desserts. Harry got some treacle tart, looked at the staff table, and slapped his scar.

"Harry? What was that?"

"N-nothing."

"It was something."

"Don't worry about it Zim."

The desserts then two disappeared, and Dumbledore stood and everyone became silent once more. Zim looked but didn't really listen, the Forest was out of bounds, the door on the third floor corridor was out of bounds, nothing really...

Then came the school song, every one sang to a different tune.

Hogwarts, Hogwarts, hoggy warty Hogwarts,  
Teach us something please,  
Whether we be old and bald,  
Or young with scabby knees,  
Our heads could do with filling,  
With some interesting stuff,  
For now they're bare and full of air,  
Dead flies and bits of fluff,  
So teach us things worth knowing,  
Bring back what we've forgot,  
Just do your best, we'll do the rest,  
And learn until our brains all rot.

Finally Percy (Ron's older brother) lead the first years to a picture of a fat woman in a pink dress. They saw Peeves, and noticed the pictures moved. The password was Caput Draconis.

The common room was vary comfortable looking, but they were immediately sent to the dormitory. At the tops of the spiral staircases they found the beds. There trunks were already there, and so was Gir.

"Mastah! Your back! Did you bring me something?"

"Y-yes Gir!"

And he gave him the tacos from his PAK. Everyone else just stared.

"Z-Zim, what did, your cat just do!"

"Harry, Gir is simply strange like that."

Zim expected Harry and Ron to start asking him questions, but instead, they fell right asleep.

"Oh well, Gir, don't wake anyone up this morning, got it?"

"Okay mastah!"

"Good Do-Cat, Good Cat."

**alright, so here are the results!**

**Griffindor- 6 or 75%**

**Ravenclaw- 1 or 12%**

**Slytherin- 1 or 12%**

**Hufflepuff- 0...**

**I appreciate all votes! Now you can vote for Zim's Quedditch Position!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Me-Hello loyal readers! I'm going camping this memorial day, sorry! I wont be able to update! This chapter is also shorter than I would've liked, sorry!**

**Dib-Jerk.**

**Me-How am I a jerk?**

**Dib-I'm not in it, and you said I would be.**

**Me-Sorry about that... Maybe next chapter, at least your in the author notes, now to start the chapter!**

**Dib-You said that last chapter! Jer-**

**Chapter 8-**

Zim woke up later than the rest of the boys, the only people left when he got up, were Ron and Harry. He moved the curtains from his bed, and yawned.

"Good morning Zi- Wait! W-whats with your eye?"

"Wait, what?"

"Y-Your eye Zim! Its all red!"

Zim face became shocked, he felt for his contact, it was on his pillow.

"Harry! I, I can explain!"

Ron then returned to the room (he had to get some of his stuff back from Fred) upon seeing Zim's red eys, he looked like he could faint or something.

"Ron! Harry! Calm down!"

"Mastah, I'm sorry I didnt wake you up, you told me not to."

"Gir, when I said not to wake anyone up, I meant the other people, NOT ME!"

"You still haven't explained your eye Zim!"

"Okay, just calm down. The thing is, im, well..."

"Well what?"

"Um, a, part bug!"

"No your not Zim! This is explaining everything! Your green, your eyes are green, and your cat talks!"

"So."

"Your not part bug! Its something else entirely!"

Gir then takled Zim, causeing his wig to fall of.

"You, have, ANTENNAS!"

"Yes Harry, I do."

"WHY!"

"Its, kinda hard to explain."

Gir thought, that it was his cue, to start talking.

"Thats easy Mr. Messy-Hair! Mastah and I, are from Irk silly!"

"Gir! Stop talking!"

"Irk, whats an Irk Zim?"

"Irk is a planet Red!"

"So, Harry is Mr. Messy Hair, and I'm Red?"

"Yep! But at least yous gots normal size heads!"

"Zim, are you and Gir, ALIENS?"

"Yes Harry, we are aliens..."

Harry and Ron, were too stunned to speak. Harry was only able to muster-

"So, y-your an, invader?"

"Yes Harry, I am an invader, from the planet Irk, happy?"

"Not really..."

"So, now you know why I dont like talking about family matters."

Ron asked, "wait, if your an alien, then how did you get into Hogwarts?"

"I dont know, but I got my letter, and came here."


	9. Chapter 9

**Me-OMG IM SO SORRY! I got labor day and memorial day mixed up! I would go and hit my head with Harry Potter #7 again, but I already hit my head 3 times, go see my other stories. Oh, and sorry for not updating sooner, I had a BREAKTHROUGH IN PLOT FOR "LOST MEMORIES"! So happy...**

**Dib-First you apologize, then you start talking about a hole different story! Whats wrong with you!**

**Me-well, if you ask a professional psychiatrist, they would say something totally different, and, its all true, pain, regret, lose, I've cried every day for the past week, longer than usual... I really do hate September... but now, theirs something totally new in the mix, something strong, rightful, hopeful, and well, its not about my dogs, and I've never felt like this before... Love...**

**Dib-Wait, seriously?**

**Me-Yep.**

**Dib-who?**

**Me-Maybe I'll post his name next chapter, if its okay with him!**

**Dib-wait, why are you talking about some random guy you like?**

**Me-He said he liked me first! Hes so sweet and caring... he compliments me!**

**Dib-odd...**

**Me-NO MORE QUESTIONS!**

**Chapter 9-**

"Well Harry, Ron, we should head down to breakfast."

And acting as though nothing happened, he put his wig and contact back in place, and walked toward the door.

"Whats keeping you guys, your dressed, its our first day of class, and I'm willing to talk about about my Malfoy incidents."

upon hearing this, they followed.

"So, the first time I saw him, was with Harry. The only reason I didn't fight back, was that my contact nearly popped out of place, the second time, we were on the train, and I was worried that my wig might fall of in the scuffle, and the last time, well, you know I gave him a bloody nose."

"So, hold on, you would've given him a bloody nose on the train, but you were worried about your WIG?"

"Yes Ron, think about it, its bad enough you two know, how do I know you wont try and, well, as my old arch enemy Dib would say, expose me for the horrible creature that I am?"

"His name was Dib?"

"Yes."

"And he was a human?"

"Yes Ron, whats your point?"

"Its, an odd name."

"So? If I was human, my name would be odd."

"True..."

So, after a non eventful breakfast, they go up, to try and find there way to there class. Of course, with the moving staircases, talking pictures, and (The trio guessed) walking suits of armor, the task was much more difficult than expected. Zim of course, downloaded a map into his PAK, and they got to classes a lot quicker, of course, if Zim, Harry, or Ron got separated from the group, they were in trouble. The first time Zim was lost in the sea of wizards, they tried to open the door and, it was unluckily, the door on the end of the third corridor, and therefore out of bounds to students, Filch, the mean caretaker, thought they were purposely trying to get in, until Zim found out and got Professor Quirrell (the Defense agents the Dark Arts teacher) they were nearly sent to the headmasters office, and now on Filch's bad side (even though Zim was not) they now tried to stay away from him, and his cat, Mrs. Norris, at all costs. Before they knew it, it was Friday.

"So, Ron, what do we have today?"

"Um, double potions with the Slytherins. Snapes head of house, they always say he favors them, so we can see if its true."

"I wish McGonnagall favored us." Harry sad glumly, she may have been head of Griffindor, but that didn't stop her from giving all that homework...

It was at that time, the mail came. The trio could spot Hedwig, and Gir. Who had a bad habit, of running into the great hall, to see the owls.

None of the boys had received anything yet, which they had expected, but today, Hedwig, and oddly enough Gir, had so,something for there owners. They were nearly identical letters, in scrawly hand-writing. Zim's said-

Dear Zim,

I know you get Friday afternoons off, so would you like to come and have a cup of tea with me around three? I want to hear all about your first week, send an answer back with Gir, you sure have a funny cat Zim, me? I like him, you can bring him if you like.

Hagrid

Harry and Zim wrote there reply's, gave them to there pets, and off they went.

It was a good thing the boys had something to look forward to. Potions had been one of the worst classes, rivaling History of Magic.

The first thing he did, was take roll. And, like some of the other teachers, he paused at Harry's name.

"Ah yes, Harry Potter, our new celebrity."

Some of the Slytherins seemed to laugh a little.

Snape went on a long, almost rant, that Zim completely ignored, until-

"Potter! What would I get if I added Powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?"

Hermionie's hand went up in the air.

"I don't know sir."

"Tut, tut-fame clearly isn't everything."

It was at this point, Zim spoke up.

"Er, sir?"

"Yes, the green kid."

"Um, its Zim, but, I'm pretty sure Hermionie knows the answer."

"Well, I didn't ask Hermionie,did I?"

"No sir."

Harry could tell Zim was shaking, with anger quickly rising, apparently, Irkans had trouble controlling anger, or, maybe it was only Zim...

"So, Detention, Mr. Zim."

Zim probably would've jumped onto the desk and started yelling at Snape, but, Ron place his had on Zim's shoulder, ready to hold him down.

"Yes sir."

He calmed down, but you could feel the tension in the room. Snape may have hated Harry from the moment he walked into class, but now he had a reason to hate Zim.

Snape had the first years, make a simple potion to cure boils. The boy named Neville, he managed to boil Semus's cauldron into some, twisted blob,and there potion was seeping along the floor, and burning holes in shoes. Neville, who had some of it hit his face, was covered in red boils.

"Idiot boy", Snape snapped, "You forgot to remove the cauldron from the fire before adding the quills, take him to the hospital wing." Then, he rounded up on Harry, who, unluckily, was right next to the boy when it happened.

"You didn't tell him to remove the cauldron, perhaps to make yourself look better in comparison, ten points from Gryffindor!"

"That's not fair", Zim spat back, "We were busy with our own potion! We weren't even paying attention to what Neville was doing!"

"Another ten points from Gryffindor, you already have a detention Mr. Zim, don't make it two."

Zim merely growled, as he returned to his potion.

At five the three boys went to meet Hagrid at his hut.

As soon as they knocked on the door, they heard barking.

"Back Fang! Back! So, make yerselves at home." He said, letting go of Fang.

Harry began the conversation as Hagrid starting boiling water.

"So, this is Ron."

"Eh, another Weasley eh? I spent half me life chasin' yer twin brothers away from the forest."

Hagrid also made some rock cakes, that were more like shapeless lumps with raisins that could chip a tooth.

The three boys were delighted to hear that Hagrid thought Filch,

"That old git. An' as for the cat, Mrs. Norris, I'd like ter introduce her to Fang sometime. D'yeh know every time I go up ter the school, she follows me every ware! Can't get rid of her. Filch puts her up to it."

They then talked about Snapes lesson, but Harry picked up a piece the Daily Prophet. And was shocked by the front page. There had been a Gringots beak in!

"Hagrid! That break in happened on the day we were their!"

Hagrid, just ignored the comment, and offered Harry another rock cake.

On there way to dinner, Harry only thought of the little package he and Hagrid picked up, and ware it could be.


End file.
